You know by now that this relationship, the one with the fiancee' in the army, is the one I regret leaving the most. I blame myself. I say, I wasn't the person he or his family or my family wanted me to be. I sometimes wish I could have been.
Was watching "Barefoot Contessa" the other day, and told my housebuddy Brandon that Ina Garten represented me in another life. I think if I had married Larry, I could have turned into Ina Garten. That is, of course, bullshit. I would have left. I would never have been Ina Garten. Not in a million years. But I do like watching her televised life. It's better than Donna Reed's.
In this latest letter, however, I can see where perhaps we would always have been incompatible. I even think I can remember thinking something like "oh oh." It's a story about going to a USO show. Here's a portion of that letter:
"...the show went on with dancing girls and rock & rollers as the stars; singers filled out the rest of the program. The audience was like a herd of animals, screaming and yelling and whistling constantly...If you have ever seen a burlesque show you would have some idea about how vulgar the guys were at this show.
"Jesus Christ, take my life! I'm getting sicker and sicker of these stupid, ignorant slobs. I thought I could get used to this type of people, but I never can..."
You see, I loved to dance rock and roll. I had been at "sock hops" (yes, I'm old enough to remember sock hops), where my best friend Lydia and I excelled in what we called "dirty dancing." (We were nothing like Jennifer Grey, however.) I had a feeling that at some point, I might be described as "vulgar." There was something about this statement that made me uneasy. How much of a snob was he? At what point would he see me as a "stupid, ignorant slob"? Of course, he was young and somewhat unsure of himself. We all were.
But then, there was the following:
"Sometimes it scares me. Could I possibly becomoe like these? Could a person degenerate so much so that he would conform to the masses? I believe it is possible. But it is not just the single individual like me that concerns me. I keep thinking and wondering how many perfectly normal, individualists have been destroyed - personality-wise. What kind of society is this army helping to create?"
It was insights like that that I admired. He was one of the people who got me asking questions. Questions like this.
Was watching "Barefoot Contessa" the other day, and told my housebuddy Brandon that Ina Garten represented me in another life. I think if I had married Larry, I could have turned into Ina Garten. That is, of course, bullshit. I would have left. I would never have been Ina Garten. Not in a million years. But I do like watching her televised life. It's better than Donna Reed's.
In this latest letter, however, I can see where perhaps we would always have been incompatible. I even think I can remember thinking something like "oh oh." It's a story about going to a USO show. Here's a portion of that letter:
"...the show went on with dancing girls and rock & rollers as the stars; singers filled out the rest of the program. The audience was like a herd of animals, screaming and yelling and whistling constantly...If you have ever seen a burlesque show you would have some idea about how vulgar the guys were at this show.
"Jesus Christ, take my life! I'm getting sicker and sicker of these stupid, ignorant slobs. I thought I could get used to this type of people, but I never can..."
You see, I loved to dance rock and roll. I had been at "sock hops" (yes, I'm old enough to remember sock hops), where my best friend Lydia and I excelled in what we called "dirty dancing." (We were nothing like Jennifer Grey, however.) I had a feeling that at some point, I might be described as "vulgar." There was something about this statement that made me uneasy. How much of a snob was he? At what point would he see me as a "stupid, ignorant slob"? Of course, he was young and somewhat unsure of himself. We all were.
But then, there was the following:
"Sometimes it scares me. Could I possibly becomoe like these? Could a person degenerate so much so that he would conform to the masses? I believe it is possible. But it is not just the single individual like me that concerns me. I keep thinking and wondering how many perfectly normal, individualists have been destroyed - personality-wise. What kind of society is this army helping to create?"
It was insights like that that I admired. He was one of the people who got me asking questions. Questions like this.
