A little rant about how I spent the rest of November. Not that Dell would be any better. I am just truly appalled at the lack of service response. The deterioration in this company between 1995 and now. It's a dire sign that the political climate is truly reflected in the so-called private sector:

There I was, about a week before Halloween, happily snugged into my computer chair, watching a saved rerun of Stargate SG1 on my (relatively) new Gateway Media Center PC, which acts as a TIVO when not involved in other more serious endeavors, like video games, e-mail, and, oh yes, writing.

Suddenly, the screen locked up. Nothing moved. I was forced to shut the computer down manually. As I did so, a blue screen popped up telling me that I had an "unknown hard error". It then told me that if I had never seen this message before, to reboot the computer. If I had seen this message before, I should do something else. I forget what. I didn't know how to do it anyway. This was followed by a screen full of indecipherable jargon, ending with what is for a computer, a punchy punchline. "Begin material dump." Or words to that effect. I punched the shut down button again, left it down, waited a bit, and rebooted.

Things returned to normal, and remained so for about a week. When it happened again. That time, although I could get the computer rebooted, the TV program continued to crash whenever I tried to access it. Time to call Kimber, my computer guru.

Kimber arrived a day or so later. In the meantime, I could continue to use the computer, but now it was crashing at odd moments with the same screen or, at other moments, with a black screen that said something about a "non-system disc, insert boot disc and press any key." Sometimes it would crash when I walked away from it. I would go off to chop wood or something, and come back to a crashed computer. Sometimes it would reboot without a problem. Sometimes it would get to a black screen with a green Gateway logo, an Intel logo in the lower left hand corner, and white letters reading BIOS in the lower right. I would have to reboot. It got harder and harder to do that.

Kimber came and got the machine, leaving his "shop Dell" in it's place (I'm typing on that now, although it's the second time this machine has visited me in the last month.) Yet another day later, Kimber calls and says he cannot fix the problem. He's gotten my files backed up and removed from the computer, swept the computer clean, and tried to reformat and reconfigure, but the computer kept crashing. He brought the computer back, and we called Gateway. After Gateway was unable to get it up and running, they told us they would send a box and we could send the computer in for service. I believe this was on October 30.

Okay, on the service and warranty front. I bought this computer new last March. It had worked fine, with one (well, two) small glitches, ever since. The glitches were the cordless keyboard and mouse, both of which refused to work more than 6 inches away from the computer. I had called Gateway about it, and we were still unable to get it working properly. Kimber advised me at that time to take the whole thing back to the store (they still had one at Alderwood Mall where I bought it) but oh, no, I couldn't be bothered to do that. I was too anxious to be up and running, and I could operate the keyboard on a pile of books and the mouse up next to the computer. I just had to lean forward a little. My own damn fault. Three weeks or so later, Gateway closed all its stores.

I had not bought an extended warranty at the time of purchase. The computer itself cost me $1850 and I trusted Gateway. My first computer had been a Gateway. It was wonderful. The service was wonderful. My first Gateway service guy gave me his cell phone number, so I could call and ask him question, and he would call me back from the office. I loved them. I had a year's warranty. What did I have to lose?

Talking with them on November 1, I found out that, in order to have a defective computer replaced, I would have to have the machine sent in three times. I bought it in March. It was now November. If it kept fucking up - I was screwed. I bought the two-year extended warranty. They sent the box the next day. I sent the computer back on the 3rd or 4th. Return #1.

I had asked them about the keyboard and mouse problem before they sent the box, and they told me to send everything back, but that, with more than one problem, it would probably take two weeks. I said fine. I had a "loaner." When the box arrived, there was room for the computer only. No slots for the keyboard or mouse. I called Gateway again. Getting someone else on the phone, as we always do nowadays, they told me to send the computer only. They could not be responsible for damage to the keyboard or mouse if there was no packaging for them. I did.

I think it was November 8, while I was in the shower, the computer returned. I stumbled over it on my front porch. My $1800 (well, $1851.29, total) computer was left by UPS on the front porch. I have received new gloves from my sister that I have had to sign for. I had asked specifically that someone call me before they returned it, so that I could talk about what had been wrong and find out what was done. No one called. Nevertheless, I call Kimber. It's back. It must be fixed. The extremely short time bothered me. How long could it have been in their hands? I think it was shipped to and from Texas. Shoulda been suspicious right there. I mean, it leaves on the 3rd or 4th, gets there the 5th??? Then there's a weekend and it's back here on Monday? And there's NO paperwork. Absolutely nothing in the box to indicate that they have even looked at it. The only clue that the original box was opened was that it was sent DHL and returned UPS - in a different box. Nevertheless...this is Gateway. The Good Company. Kimber came over the next day, picked it up, and went home to reboot and install my files.

He brought it back over on Thursday, the 11th. Everything went fine, until we began installing AOL 9.0. This was included with the Gateway software, but I overinstalled my own, since theirs did not pick up my previous AOL settings, like the Address Book, etc. Then it crashed. It crashed twice while attempting this install, but on the third try, it took, and we thought the problem was solved. But Kimber suggested I keep a "crash diary."

11/13, 8:30 pm: Non-system disk - insert boot disk and press any key
11/14, 1:00 pm: Access AO L - desktop disappears, Gateway screen remains, must turn
off and reboot
11/14, 2:50 pm: Kernel-stack-inpage error
11/14, 8:30 pm: Non-system disk, etc.
11/16, 9:26 am: Desktop disappears
11/16, 10:05 am: Desktop disappears, blue screen with "Unknown hard error", Reboot
Gateway Bios Settings screen - crashed
11/16, 10:10 am: Frozen screen, lost Desktop, Desktop reappears, Lost again.

Okay - enough fooling myself. I call Gateway.

Now, I'm talking to a lovely woman with an Indian accent named Debbie. I tell her what's going on. When I mention AOL 9.0, she tells me that is the problem. They've been having a lot of problems with AOL 9.0. What I need to do is back up everything, reformat, and reboot.

Okay. I can't do that now. I don't have a back up disk, and I've never done that myself before. Kimber does that. Besides, I think he has my Gateway 610 disk. This woman is very sympathetic. But we can't do anything. She tells me: Back up, Reformat, Reinstall. Fine. I call Kimber again. He comes and picks up the computer. This takes him a few days, since he is also working for a small company and has other fish to fry. In the meantime, I once again have his "loaner", the Dell. Finally, he gets mine back to me by the weekend. All backed up. All cleaned out. A blank slate. I have my disk in hand.

Monday morning, November 22, I call Gateway. My plan is to go through the process with them, step by step, so that when it doesn't work again (and K and I are convinced it won't), at least they will know this and agree to have it sent back in for a further look. The woman on the line has me turn on the computer, insert the disk, and follow the directions. I'm doing this line by line with her, so she knows that I am doing absolutely nothing else than what she is telling me to do. There is a place where I have to type in the letter "A" and push "Enter" with the keyboard. I do. The keyboard works fine. Of course, it's sitting right in front of the computer, but we'll deal with that problem later once the computer is working again. Now the computer begins to load the files. "This will take about an hour," the woman tells me. Just let it run, and when it is done, call us back and we can finish the process. Okay. I hang up.

I'm doing some work on the Dell, the Gateway is running it's program on the cutting board stand to my right, and about 20 minutes later, I push my chair back to go do something else, glance at the Gateway screen, and see it has stopped. It is unable to load a file. It presents me with options. Time to get back on the phone.

This is the true phone call from hell. The guy on the phone researches the first file. It is a font file. We can replace it later, he says. Ignore it and proceed. The next file also will not load. That is a more crucial file. We cannot go on without it. Begin again, he tells me. Turn off the computer, turn it back on, reinsert disk and start over. I do this. The computer goes to that black screen with the green Gateway logo and the Intel logo and the BIOS settings , where it freezes. We turn off the computer several times, and get nowhere. He asks me to try Escape, F!, F2, and so on. At one point, I try F8, because Debby from India had me do that once to get it started, and this time it worked. However, it crashed again once it had started. We were back to square one.

Now, he decided that it is the D drive that is fucked up. He is about to have me send the computer back in (ostensibly for a new D drive) (unless he was going to send me one and have me install it myself - NOT my idea of service), when the computer, which had been sitting on the frozen BIOS screen for some time, suddenly went into load mode - the screen popped up that had popped up that morning, asking me to choose one install or another, A or B.

Wait a minute, I told the guy. I've got the screen up. We can start. He's all excited. I'm all excited. I push A. Nothing. I pick up the keyboard and move it around. No A. No nothing. I cannot get the keyboard to work. We redo the little connector buttons about 10 times. Nothing. We put in new batteries. Nothing. Now the keyboard (which had recently responded to an F8) will not work at all.

At this point, I am practically crying. Please, I beg him, can't I just pack the whole thing up and send it back so you can fix it and send me a computer that works?

Him: I'm sorry. We can't let you send the computer back for a keyboard problem. We will send you a new keyboard. You will receive it in about 5 days. When you receive it, place your old keyboard in the box and return it to us. Then call us and we will get your new keyboard up and running.

Me: Send me a new install disk, as well, since this one seems to be corrupted (not wanting to load files).

Him: We have not had a chance to run the program a second time, so we do not know that it is corrupted.

The following conversations took place scattered through the rest of this "service call":

Me: Why is it so hard to get a computer that works out of you people?

Him: We are working as hard as we can to get your computer working. We have to follow our policies and procedures.

Me: Your policies and procedures suck. I am a writer, and I have two chapters that are supposed to be ready next week (I didn't tell him it was just for my writer's group, not for an actual editor, but that shouldn't matter).

Him: That is not our concern.

Me: Luckily, I do have a loaner computer, but I don't know how long I can keep it. It's up and running right here. It's a Dell.

Him: Laughs.

Me: Complains about computer being left on porch, to be taken by any passerby.

Him: Well, that's how UPS operates.

Me: They don't, if the shipper demands a confirmation of delivery

Him: No response that I could hear.

Status as of 11/29/04: Writing report as well as I can remember it, still waiting for keyboard. Computer in utility room. We needed the cutting board for Thanksgiving.