My grandparents also send the very best. A pink card with embossed gold vase filled with pink and red roses, surrounded by embossed garlands. For your Valentine Birthday. You have no idea how long I have put up with red roses and sweet hearts for my birthday, not to mention the occasional lacy doily. Good thing I became a Deadhead. Now the roses mean something anyway.

An old friend from graduate school gave me one of my favorite birthday presents: a black heart on a gold chain. I broke the chain one night drunkenly pulling a turtlenect shirt over my head. The thing went flying, and neither chain nor my black heart were ever seen again. There's some kind of message there.