18 January 1963: I am beginning to see - or rather, confirmed in my suspicion of - the reason I began to retreat from him. Apparently I have written him about a study group or discussion group or something of the sort with which I am involved, or which I have started - I don't remember it. But I must have written him a letter full of some kind of intellectual speculation, and he is very pleased. Then he asks if he can join in the discussions by mail - which would have been fine, I think. But he follows this request up with a series of questions: Are you serious enough about this thing to institute a basis for membership? Will there be a purpose of goal? "The scope of your meetings should be outlined as well as the direction to be followed in the study and research." This last was underlined. He goes on to ask who will benefit from these discussions, and if it would be possible to create issues and work toward reform of some sort.

I don't remember what I had in mind, but I'm certain it was a far more nebulous thing than any of this, and his requirements would have put me off considerably. Something I might have found fun and interesting, he wanted to make serious and purposeful. He was imposing a structure on something I'm certain I thought of as basically unstructured.

I suppose that's why, in the end, I found the hippies. He stayed in the hardware store. Whether that was the best thing for either of us, we'll never know. It simply is.